You Need a Thick Skin

The act of DMing is rewarding but it also comes with challenges.  Being a DM requires one to develop a thick skin.  You’re going to have problem players and you’re going to take criticism.  Dealing with these situations can be quite difficult if you’re a sensitive person.  One needs a certain level of detachment and the ability not to take things personally.  This can be quite hard, especially when you pour your heart and soul into a campaign.

Taking Criticism

At one point or another you’re going to receive criticism from your players and it can be hard to take.  Take a step back and look at the criticism.  Is this constructive criticism?  Is the player bringing up a valid point that you need to address?  Some criticism is a good thing and it can help you improve your game.  When players bring up a valid point learn from it and adapt what you’re doing to make the game more enjoyable.  Ultimately, you want your players to be happy with what you’re doing, if for example your players want more role playing and less combat in the campaign the only way they can communicate that to you is through constructive criticism.  

While your player may have a valid point, they may not be able to present it in a non-confrontational manner.  It is your job as DM not to let yourself get defensive and become confrontational back.  In this case it is even more important to take a step back and analyze what the player is telling you.  Though the presentation may be less than palatable the player may still be giving you valuable criticism.  Don’t let their pour presentation hurt your feelings, not everyone is good at communication and may not know how to present their feelings in an appropriate manner.

On the other hand not all criticism is constructive and it is hard not to take this kind of criticism personally.  This leads us into the next topic, problem players.

Problem Players

Some people just want to watch the world burn and you can’t take it personally.  At some point in your DM career you are most likely going to run in to a problem player, someone who just has to stir the pot.  They’re disruptive and can even be hurtful.  It can feel like they are personally attacking you.  Realize that it’s really not about you but about their need for attention and control.  Remember, you are the DM and it’s your show not theirs.  What you say goes no matter what kind of tantrum they throw.  Pull players like this aside out of game time and discuss their behavior with them.  Many times this will resolve the problem.  If this fails you have two options.  Ignore their behavior and work around them or ask them to leave the game.  Anyway it goes down remember that their behavior is their problem and not yours.  You are not responsible for the behavior of others even if they try to blame their behavior on something you have said or done.

The main thing is to learn not to take things personally.    Learn to detach and see things from an objective point of view.  Decide if the player is actually presenting something helpful that you can use to improve your performance.  You’ve got to develop a thick skin to DM.

5 Tips for the New DM

I remember the overwhelming feelings I had the first time I DM’d. It seemed like a most daunting and perhaps even an insurmountable task had been laid before me. I didn’t know any other DM’s at the time, I had no one to ask for advice or to guide me through the process. Below you’ll find a few things that I’ve learned that can help out those new to DMing.

1.Make the game more important than the rules. Yes, we need agreed upon rules in order to play the game but don’t become a slave to them. No rules lawyers need apply. What is most important, first and foremost, is providing a great game for the players. Sometimes the best way to do that is to fudge the rules or in some cases make your own rules. What playing D&D is about is telling an engaging interactive story. Never forget that your most important job as a DM is to tell a great story for the players. Everything with DMing is a judgment call. Trust your judgment, if a player wants to do something and it doesn’t quite fit with the rules but it would make for a great part of the story always feed the story, not the rules.

2.Don’t be afraid to really role play NPC’s. It can be difficult not to feel self-conscious but as a DM you need to have multiple personalities and act them out. One of the things that is often talked about among DM’s is how to get their players to better role play their PC’s. The DM sets the stage. Play your NPC’s to the hilt. Firstly, because it makes the game more alive and memorable. Secondly, because the DM sets the tone. It may take some time but if you as the DM throw yourself into role playing NPC’s it will set the example and create an atmosphere where players are more comfortable with role playing themselves. They don’t have to feel so self-conscious because you’ve created an environment where role playing is normal not, weird and they aren’t alone in role playing. One thing players have told me as to why they shy away from role playing is because they feel weird about it. They don’t want to be the only one at the table doing it. If as a DM you are putting your heart into role playing then the players no longer feel weird about it because they aren’t the only one trying to role play.

3.Appeal to the senses. None of it is real but a good DM tries to make it feel real to the players. Immerse your players in the game through their senses. Don’t overload them but whenever they are in a situation try to appeal to at least two of the five senses. Do they smell pies cooling in a window or maybe the stench of sweaty mud covered orcs? It’s easy to focus on what the players see but be sure to include other senses to make the encounter more complete.

4.All creatures are not created equal. Your players will encounter many creatures and villains through your campaigns and they do not all used the same fighting styles and tactics. An abolith doesn’t fight the same way as a kobold or an acolyte. Part of roleplaying is making sure that you make things challenging and interesting by basing your creatures’ actions on their own intelligence level and what tactics they would naturally use. The monster manual can help with this, read the description of each creature you will be using. Take some time to think about what that creature’s natural behavior would be. Does it make knee jerk reactions or is it more calculating? Is it usually found alone, in a pack, or with specific other creatures? Answering these kinds of questions will give you a better understanding of what makes the creature tick and using this information will make your encounters richer and more memorable.

5.Don’t be afraid to wing it. Whether running a mod or a campaign of your own design you must keep in mind what I call the law of DMing, “Your players will always find a way to mess up your best laid plans.” At some point they, are going to deviate from what you expect or want them to do. Don’t let this send you into the wall. Wing it. Always be ready and willing to wing it. One of the things I do is think about what some of the different choices my players might make when presented with a situation. Thinking about this ahead of time helps me to be more prepared but even then I still have to wing it at some point in almost every session. Have no fear and remember that your campaign isn’t written in stone; it’s okay to just fly by the seat of your pants. The main thing you have to remember in pulling this off is not to let your players know that you’re making it up as you go. If you’ve ever seen a cat fall off of a chair and get up and walk away like, “I meant to do that,” that’s the attitude you need to take. If you act like you meant to do that all along your players will never be the wiser and the game will go on without a hitch.

How I Became a DM

This is the tale of how I came to be DM and how our group got started. So in what seems like a far away time and place our hero Tyr, who was laid off, took a temp job and at this craptastic slave pit where he met Omar. Hours spent inside a sweltering box truck got the two to talking and they discovered that they both loved D&D but hadn't had a group to play with in forever. Their problem was that they both came across players from time to time but they almost never found someone willing to DM or that was any good at being a DM.

In the past, on more than one occasion, Tyr had tried to get me into playing D&D but I'd never really had a good experience. While the general rule is that you have to put in some serious time playing before you can think about being a DM, Tyr saw something in me. Over the course of a month or so he talked me into coming up with a quest and being a DM for him and Omar. During that time Omar got in touch with his cousin Hal who also wanted to play. They were both skeptical that a female who had barely any experience could be a competent DM but they were willing to give me a shot since they all wanted to play and didn't have a DM. Both Hal and Omar had played since D&D began and I quickly gained their approval. Hal has played in groups all over the U.S. and says that he's amazed by me. That even though I don't have a lot of player experience I'm one of the best DMs he's ever seen, which to me is some pretty high praise.

Dumb Dwarf came a long a little while later. An 18-year-old nube who we took in and taught the game, his girlfriend was our baby sitter.

And that's pretty much how our group came to be.

DMing for the First Time

Being a DM for the first time seemed like a daunting task. My palms were sweating and my stomach hurt as we all sat around the table. I knew that no matter how I did my husband would appreciate me for trying, even if I turned out to be terrible. Hal and Omar had never met me before and part of me was afraid that they'd tear me to ribbons. Part of me felt like a fraud with such little player experience behind me. I felt like I was on stage, and really being a DM is a performance where you play most of the rolls. By halfway through the night, I had started to become more at ease with my role, the guys were getting into the quest, and they said I was doing well.

After a couple of sessions (we generally play for around 6 hours) I really got into it. I enjoyed coming up with the story, maybe all of those writing classes in college were actually coming in handy. Theater class was coming in handy too as I tried to bring my NPC's to life. The guys told me flat out that I'm unlike any other DM they've ever had. I even try to make physical props whenever possible; from antiqued notes and maps to potion bottles.

The longer I DM the easier some of the aspects get, like mechanics of the game. Other aspects get harder, like handling a problem player or guest. It's never easy but I find it more rewarding than being a player. Now that I DM, I can't imagine a life without D&D.